The Power of Doing Hard Things: What Kids Learn in ERP
We hear it all the time from parents: “Why is my child struggling to face their OCD?” Or, “Why do things seem to get harder before they get better?”
Here’s the thing: it’s not a sign that therapy isn’t working — it’s often a sign that it is.
One of OCD’s main messages sounds like: “Avoid this scary thing, or something bad will happen.” But when kids start Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP), they begin to send a different message back: “I can face this. I can tolerate this feeling. I don’t need to obey OCD’s rules.”
That process can feel uncomfortable, even a little scary, at first (maybe even a little longer than just at first). But it’s also where real growth begins. As the old adage says, “We can’t go over it. We can’t go under it. We’ve got to go through it.” And with OCD, going “through it” means learning to sit with uncertainty and discomfort rather than avoiding or giving in.
After all, ERP is not about helping your child avoid what makes them anxious - it’s about helping them learn to face it. On purpose. With support. Again and again.
ERP is how kids learn to face what they fear with courage and skills. And when they do? They start to believe something radical and empowering: They are capable of doing hard things.
Reps in the Mental Gym
Every exposure practice is like a rep in the mental gym. The more you practice, the stronger you get. The goal isn’t to make anxiety and other uncomfy feelings disappear - it’s to help the brain build tolerance for uncertainty and unpleasant emotions without giving in to OCD demands. Over time, the brain learns: “Hey, I can feel this and handle this without listening to OCD.”
Just like learning to ride a bike, there will be shaky starts, moments of doubt, and the temptation to give up. But with practice, encouragement, and a steady team of parents and a therapist by their side, kids begin to find their footing.
We like to remind both kiddos and parents that exposures aren’t about doing things perfectly. Doing exposures is about showing up, facing a fear, and doing something in a new way. And when we do things differently — in how we think, feel, or act — it might feel weird or uncomfortable at first. That doesn’t mean it’s wrong. It means your brain is learning something new. And that’s a win.
A Step at a Time: Exposure Examples and What They Teach
Effective ERP (Exposure and Response Prevention) isn’t a one-size-fits-all protocol… and that’s a good thing! The best exposures are thoughtfully tailored to your child’s specific fears, values, and developmental stage. A well-trained therapist doesn’t just throw your child into the deep end. Instead, we work together to build a ladder, one rung at a time, toward the fear, choosing steps that stretch your child just enough to build resilience without overwhelming them.
Personalized exposures matter because OCD is sneaky. It latches onto what your child cares about most. That’s why therapy has to meet them exactly where they are, with exposures that are relevant and meaningful, not just generic tasks. We consider your child’s specific subtype, their daily routines, and the ways OCD shows up in their life.
And because we tailor each exposure to your child’s readiness level, we help them practice doing the hard thing with just enough support until they learn they can do it on their own.
Here are a few examples of what that might look like:
Contamination OCD: A middle schooler stops wiping their lunchbox down with a sanitizing wipe when they get home from school each day, even though it feels “risky.” What they’re learning: “I can tolerate the feeling of ‘what if’ without needing to do something about it.”
Harm OCD: A kiddo resists mentally reviewing every interaction with their friend at the birthday party to make sure they didn’t accidentally say something mean or harmful. What they’re learning: “I don’t need to check or mentally rewind to feel okay. I can handle the doubt.”
Just Right OCD: A teen leaves a text message to a friend unedited, even though it didn’t “sound exactly like them” or match their usual punctuation style. What they’re learning: “Things don’t have to feel perfectly right for me to hit send. I can let go of that urge and move on.”
Scrupulosity OCD: A child resists the urge to pray repeatedly in crowded public spaces “just in case” something bad might happen to their family. What they’re learning: “I can care about my family and my faith without giving into fear-based rituals. I don’t have to follow every urge to pray for things to be okay.”
These aren’t the kinds of things your child will get a trophy for (although we kinda think they deserve one), but they are wins. Quiet, powerful, and deeply meaningful ones. They’re the small, everyday moments that build your child’s capacity to face fear and keep going. And that’s what real resilience looks like.
What This Means for Your Home
You play a vital role in reinforcing these skills outside of session. You don’t have to be the therapist at home, but you can be the support system that cheers on the brave work.
What that might look like:
Resist the urge to “rescue” your child when they’re sitting in discomfort. Instead, remind them, “You’re doing the hard thing right now. I’m proud of you.”
Use language that reflects progress, not perfection: “I noticed you didn’t check that again. That’s a win.”
Partner with your therapist to understand the exposure plan so you’re reinforcing (not undoing) the learning.
Expect some tough moments. Exposure work is meant to stretch your child. With time and repetition, it gets easier.
When home and therapy are aligned, your child gains two powerful sources of support: the space to practice skills and the confidence that the adults around them believe they can handle it. And guess what… they can.
What Kids Really Learn in ERP
At The LiveWell Collective, yes - we care about symptom relief. But our deeper goal is helping kids build something even more lasting: the ability to live well, even when anxiety or OCD shows up.
Through ERP, kids don’t just unlearn compulsions; they gain skills that strengthen them from the inside out. Over time, they learn:
How to name thoughts and feelings without judgment
That avoidance feeds anxiety, while doing the hard thing grows confidence
That they’re stronger than their OCD and they can prove it, one exposure at a time
That bravery isn’t about being fearless. It’s about showing up anyway, even when it’s hard
These lessons don’t just help them in therapy; they carry into classrooms, friendships, family life, and beyond. The work is hard, but the growth is real.
Explore Our Summer Offerings
Curious what ERP might look like for your child or how to support them more effectively?
This summer, we’re offering both individual therapy and group options designed specifically for kids and teens navigating OCD and anxiety. We also host seasonal virtual parent sessions filled with practical tools and community support.
Want in? Join our email list to receive helpful blog posts like this one and be the first to know when new groups, workshops, and parent resources launch.
We’re here to help. Email us at connect@thelivewellcollective.org or give us a call at (712) 524-5433.
You don’t have to do this alone. And neither does your child. At The LiveWell Collective, we believe that even the hardest things feel more possible when we face them together.
